I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
