haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
