is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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