i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's the barista slut.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
