coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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