I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
