Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize