she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Actions speak louder than pants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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