So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize