My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
