I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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