bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
