matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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