K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize