Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
