I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
