Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
