i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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