U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
