You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
