I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
