Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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