Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
