she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
