Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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