it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
