Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
