You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize