i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
