I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
