You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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