I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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