just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
