But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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