I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
