TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
