You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
