you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize