im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's never too late to be topless.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
