1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize