Moan for me like Helen Keller
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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