Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I sprained my soul last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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