No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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