he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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