Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
