I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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