We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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