wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
