if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
