Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
