my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
