i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
