I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
where are my eyebrows?
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