girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
