So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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