just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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