You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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