if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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