I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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