Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
