so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
