Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
