Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize