dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
