like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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