i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
