Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
