is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
