Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize