My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
