I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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