she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
