so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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