Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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