mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
