So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
