After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
