Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
