You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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