Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize