What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize