we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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