We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
